Love at 13th sight.

I fell in love with Barcelona yesterday. When I first arrived last Monday, I was too nervous and frazzled to admire the beauty of the city. We took a bus tour and my friends and I walked around some. However, I still didn't LOVE the city. I loved being here, but I didn't see as much as I would have liked. Yesterday, we were supposed to go on a field trip with CEA, but it was cancelled because the wind was ridiculous. The wind was so bad that motorcycles were scattered on the streets and roofs were falling. Anywho, a few friends and I decided that instead of going back to sleep (like we wanted!) we would walk the city. My friend Mary took me to the Gothic Quarter. There, we walked around for over four hours, and I fell in love with Barcelona. With cobblestone streets and buildings more beautiful than anything I've ever seen, the Gothic Quarter took my breath away.

One of my first thoughts was that I could not wait for Jayme to visit, because I KNOW she will love it here.

We also found the famous La Bouqeria (Featured on Rachael Ray AND Bizarre Foods)

This is market where I saw the most amazing candy and ice cream I've ever seen!

I didn't get any though, because I was saving my stomach for the bagel I was promised.

Yes, it's true. Barcelona has bagels and cream cheese. It's called The Bagel Shop, and I will become a regular.

I also found a shop that carried English books!

I was SO excited that I didn't even care that I spent 25e on just two books.

This is the port where we ended up sitting and basking in the sun. Isn't it beautiful?

After getting our Vitamin D, we watched some street dancers perform.

This guy spun on his head for a solid minute. Legit.

Who knew we were so close to La Segrada Familia? After so many years, the cathedral is still under construction. Hop on that, Barcelona!

These are only some of the reasons I have fallen so hard for the city. I have never been one for pretty scenery. I'm the type of person that is like "Ok, that's pretty. Now what?" But here, I could just stare for so long...I love it.

I've made some really good friends. My roommates and I get along so well, and we are all on the same page about taking classes seriously, not going out every single night, appreciating our time here, etc. I also have found a really good friend in a girl named Mary. We met on the first day, on the bus on our way to our hotels.  I can already tell she's someone I can trust and become close to. We are all leaving for London on Thursday, and are so pumped for it! There is a big group of us going, probably 8 of us, and I am so excited! London is one of the places I've been wanting to go, and it's coming up so fast!

Classes are great. It's really interesting to learn about Spain's history because our entire lives we've just been learning about American history. It will be hard to learn all this brand new material, but I am really enjoying it. Three of my professors are from Spain, and one is from England. It's fun learning from professors that are from here. Also, I cannot believe how rude some of my classmates are. It floors me how entitled some of these girls (and guys) think they are. On the first day of class, they were interrupting the professors, texting, sleeping, being loud, etc. I couldn't believe the rudeness. Anywho, I am just glad I'm in my apartment and only have to be with some of these people in class. Unfortunately, even an hour and a half of class is too much time to spend with them. Oh well, at least I don't live with them! :)

Well, today has been a lazy Sunday, and I've loved every minute. We all slept in, and have just been laying around all day. I am putting off my readings for class and watching an old Hugh Grant movie instead. My roomies and I went out last night. Before our departure, we had a few drinks and a spontaneous dance party. I have to say, I would rather dance in the comfort of my own living room than pay to get into a club here. We ended up at a bar where everyone spoke English. I talked to an older man named Roberto for a good hour, but it's not what you think. I was legitimately getting a Spanish & grammar lesson. Thanks for that, Roberto. Unfortunately,  I don't remember any of it.

At approximately 3am, we decided burritos would be the best idea.

 

Better than Chipotle, and just 4 euro!

It seems like all my experiences revolve around food, that's okay. I'm in Spain, I'll diet later. :)

Starbucks en Espana? Si, por favor!

So here I am, sipping my Starbucks and sitting in my apartment. I am also drinking some good ol' agua. Those who know me well know that I can never just have one drink at once. :) I actually scored this Starbucks for free. I have been looking everywhere for a travel mug. Well, here en Espana, they don't drink coffee on-the-go, so travel mugs are difficult to come across. Luckily, Starbucks saves the day. Although 9,50euro is a hefty amount to spend on a mug, I decided it would be worth it. It does say "espana" on the side, afterall. I will just take it home! When it gets home, however, I must put a sign on it saying "DO NOT PUT IN DISHWASHER." My parents are infamous for ruining our travel mugs from the dishwasher. So back to the no on-the-go topic. Spaniards don't eat or drink while walking or in class or anything. They sit down and eat and drink and just chill. It's such a...stress reliever. You know? I mean, honestly, not everyone actually "siestas" from 2-5, but they at least chill out. It's a great concept. Why can't Americans learn to just...chill? Honestly. We would be SO much less stressed if we took a 3 hour siesta each day. A lot of stores honor the siesta, 2-5pm is a great time to go back to the apartment, take a nap, watch tv, etc.

Anywho. Yesterday was my first day of class. I was originally signed up for 5 classes, 15 credit hours, but that is obviously way too much. Here, our classes are an hour and a half, twice a week. Five of those are just TOO much. So. I dropped Media & Politics in Western Europe: Spain. It doesn't sound all that interesting anyway. My first class yesterday was International Journalism. My roommate Monica is in it, so we had no trouble finding our way. We then had lunch and took a self-led tour of the gym (I'll get back to that in a sec.).  Then I had my second class of the day, Spanish Civilization and Culture. I really like my professors for those classes...actually, all my professors seem really awesome. Today I had Sport & Culture in Contemporary Spain and Beginning Spanish II.  I really wanted to take as many Spain-esque classes while I was here. I want to learn all about the country I am temporarily living in! My professors are all really young and three of the four are Spanish. I am taking Beginning Spanish II because, although I scored Intermediate on the exam, I didn't want to get ahead of myself. I wanted to review, learn, and try to comprehend everything. Spanish is SO much harder to speak when you are put on the spot. So. That's that.

All last semester I was pretty confident in my Spanish-speaking abilities. I am actually having a tough time using it. It's difficult to think in Spanish. Ya know? A lot of times I have to pause, think, speak. My roommates get frustrated with me because I respond in English, a lot of times, but not because I expect people to understand...it's more like me trying to translate it, in my head. So, I am really working on being able to comprehend and answer in Spanish.

Back to the gym thing. At home, I generally just walk on the treadmill. As we do SO much walking here, I didn't think I would even WANT to join a gym. However, this really nice gym (about 2 blocks from our school) offers a special for CEA students. Not only is it 195e for the entire time we're here, but all the classes are free. Since I am getting my regular exercise in (stairs/walking/etc), I am more interested in the classes: Step, spinning, yoga, pilates, dance, etc. Monica and I both have the same breaks between classes each day, so we might just take a fitness class every day. The more I think about it, the more fun it sounds. We'll see.

So. That's the latest scoop. I am really proud of myself for getting to and from class today, on my own! Again, those who know me well know that I am the most directionally-challenged person alive. Ask my dad. I get lost EVERYWHERE I go, so the fact that I walked 2 miles to school and back without getting lost is pretty great, in my book. I really miss my parents, but luckily I taught them how to use iChat to video chat. It's really funny because they both look down while they are talking to me, like I am on the keyboard or something. Haha. It helps me not miss them as much.

Oh. So originally I wanted to tour all of Europe while I was here. We have already booked London and Paris, but the more I think about it, the more I want to see SPAIN. I mean, I am living here. So I want to just see all of Spain that I can because I don't want to go home regretting not spending enough time in my (temporary) country. So, when Jayme comes, I might suggest we just tour all of Spain? We'll see. Adios, amigos! Muchas gracias por lectura mi blog!

The view from my room:)

Some of Barcelona.

Coca-Cola light. My weakness.

The BEST ice cream bar I've ever tasted. No joke.

My first time using the metro!

A scooter that was basically made for me.

Monica y yo con Barcelona!

Cafe con leche. Seriously, it's amazing.

Hola de Barcelona, Espana!!!

Hi guys! This is my first real post from Spain, and I will try to at least post once a week so you can have an update on my life.

So far, so good. First, it was really hard leaving my parents on Sunday, especially Mom, for obvious reasons. I was so scared the entire day. My family had dinner at Texas Roadhouse (which I miss already! haha.), and then they took me to the airport. At first, I was freaking out because my flight to Newark was delayed, and so I was going to miss my flight to London (connecting to Barcelona), and I was going to be a day late. Luckily my nice helper at Continental Airlines helped get me on a flight from Newark to Madrid. So anywho, getting to Madrid was fine. I had an overnight flight, and I took Tylenol PM and just passed out. I was actually extremely comfortable. 

I had a layover in Madrid, which was incredibly scary. I had no idea where to go or how to do anything. Luckily I had four hours to figure out where I was going and when my flight was.

When I got here, we went straight to a hotel. I met my roommates and they all seemed really great. We went to an Australian-themed bar that night and pretty much just walked around the city for awhile. 

On Tuesday, my roommate Sarah and I slept through orientation and woke up at 2pm. This time change is really screwing me up! Well anywho, we found a legit Spanish restaurant for dinner. I got veggie paella, which was honestly great. The problem is the service here pretty much sucks. You're not supposed to tip waiters/cab drivers/etc., so they don't care enough to be nice.

We also had a three hour tour of the city, which I absolutely loved.

We moved into our apartments on Wednesday, and ours is beautiful. It's located 5 minutes from the town center, and it's within walking distance from pretty much everything. 

So far, we've spent a lot of time exploring the city and figuring out where to go. I, being the most directionally challenged person alive, am having a really tough time knowing where to go/where I am. Hopefully when I am forced to go somewhere alone I will be able to figure it out more easily. Our intentions have been to spend the days exploring, but the time change has been screwing us up so much that we have yet to wake up before 2pm. Yesterday, we walked around and I got a lot of fresh fruits and veggies.  I made my first dinner!

Last night, we went to a club called Opium. We dressed up and all went out with a group of people. It was a lot of fun, and the club was on the beach, so it was beautiful.

I am really looking forward to getting to know the city, since it is my temporary home. The food is great, my friends are a lot of fun, and the city is just beautiful. We start class on Monday, and I am hopefully going to drop one because there is no way I'm actually going to take five classes. No chance. Also, we are planning lots of weekend trips. We already bought our flight to Paris for February. I am really excited about that. We are also going to London at the end of the month. Yay for traveling! It seems a lot of people came here just to spend money and party. I, however, came for more. I want to see all the sights and be as adventurous as possible in the next few months. When else am I going to have this opportunity? 4 months in Europe. I'll take it.

Also, I found a church that has an English service. I am going on Sunday for the young adult service, and I really hope I find a good, solid community here. I hope I like it!

I miss my family, but other than that, I really am not thinking about home much. I am just thinking about how much I love it here, and how much I have to look forward to.

Adios, amigos.

It's hard to believe that the time has finally come for me to leave! I feel like all this time, I've been saying "In January, I'm going to Spain." Well, it's January! And guess what? I leave in 14 hours. Wow. I feel like I was only just deciding if I was going or not, and now...I am! Well. I really just picked Barcelona on a whim. It was one of those things where I was like "Ok, wherever."  I didn't know a lot about the city, I still don't, but I keep hearing fantastic things about it. It is known for its nightlife, which might seem funny since I am not exactly a party girl. However, I am planning on living it up while I am there. I'm not about to be the lame girl who doesn't go out! Also, I am excited to just travel. Here, there, everywhere. I want to explore, make new friends, eat new food, see new things! I just can't even wait. I am such an adventurer. I think this will be AWESOME. I am not really nervous right now. Everyone keeps asking if I am. I think it really won't hit me until I am there...or at least on the plane. That will most likely be the hardest.

I've been trying to spend as much time with my mom as I can. I honestly haven't done a lot this break just because I've been hanging out at home. I've always been so close with my mom, it's going to be really hard leaving her. I can't wait to send postcards and presents though. I think she'll like that. :) I am really praying that God will match me up with a really good friend while I'm there. If I get anything while I am abroad, I want a great friend. Not just a girl I can go out with, but one that I can talk to, relate to, keep in touch with, etc. So if you are praying for me, that is my one request (besides safety!). I am really proud of myself because this is the first time I've planned, paid, and followed through with something completely on my own. It's hard to describe, but it has definitely helped me feel more independent! I have NO idea what to expect, which is both scary and thrilling. I am hoping to just take things as they come. Which is pretty much how I live my life anyway.

In other news, my mom has lost her hair. It's really not as weird as it sounds. She looks the same to me, and honestly, the baldness doesn't freak me out. I keep forgetting that she doesn't have hair! Haha. Also, they matched a fingerprint with one of the guys who broke into my grandparents house. I just am hoping that they charge whoever did this. My parents have been talking a lot about moving into that house when it is all finished again. It's weird to think about living in their house without them there, but it is even more odd to think of strangers living in the house. So, needless to say, I am all about buying it.

Well, I am pretty exhausted. I am so grateful that all my friends came last night! Honestly, it just shows who my true friends are. I am so thankful for the friendships I have, and am also really looking forward to making new ones! It will be nerve wracking, I know. But friends have always been so important to me, I can't wait to see what is in store!!

Love love love <3

2008 Remembered.

Here it is: My recount of the year. The typical theme that most blog about. I can't help but follow the trend.

This has been an incredibly rough year. For starters, not long before the New Year, I was left heartbroken by a guy I truly thought I would be with forever. I had never experienced a hurt like that before, and I cannot imagine having to go through that again in my lifetime. It was the kind of pain that you can do nothing to stop. You cannot just pop an aspirin (or 3 in my case) and hope the pain subsides. Instead, you just have to let it take its course...It's 100% true when people say, "It just takes time." Because really, that's all you can do. I spent the first half of the year on anti-depressants, sleeping as much as possible, and not eating nearly as much as I should have. I struggled through school, and I was lucky to have passed my first semester of a real nursing class. Although I was hurting more than anyone can imagine, I still had fun. In the Spring, I visited my brother in Pittsburgh six weeks in a row. I know it sounds like a lot, but honestly, it was the most fun I had all year. Some of my best memories are from those trips I made to hang out with Kevin and his friends. My brother, along with my entire family, really helped me cope with my heartbreak.  Looking back, I realize that I do deserve better. I could never have spent my life with him, and I know that now. I also know his ignoring me and treating me the way he did helped me to realize that I deserve much better.

Next came Summer Clinical. I have completely struggled through my Nursing classes.  Although Nursing is truly what I want to do with my life, it does not come easily to me. My first two years of college, I had countless tutors and other help with my sciences. I even failed Biology and had to retake it. The point is, I was so happy to have gotten through to Summer Clinical because so many hadn't.  It was really hard and I definitely had to study my ass off. I would say I have to study three times as much as most others just to even somewhat understand the information. The most difficult part was that my clinical instructor was especially hard on me. She claimed she was just trying to teach me a lesson, but honestly, I know she had something against me. From the start, we butted heads. I'm not sure why, because all I ever did was try my hardest. Anywho, she ended up accusing me of lying about a patient, and she failed me. This was so hard for me because I had worked so hard. I had passed the class, which was what I was concerned about passing in the first place, but then I failed anyway. I was so upset about it, especially since all of my good friends had really good experiences with their instructors.

Luckily, after only a little while, I figured out how to make the best of failing clinical. Failing meant having to wait an entire year before I had the opportunity to retake it. Since I go to a small school, they only offer each class every once in awhile. So, here I am, a year behind and having no idea what to do. The idea came to me not long after the end of clinical: Pick up a minor. So, I chose Journalism, since I've always had a knack for writing. Then, about a week before the start of Fall semester, I decided to study abroad in the Spring. I wasn't going to waste an entire year taking dumb classes and wasting my money. Fall semester was SO much fun, since I was so used to ALWAYS being busy and never having free time, energy, etc.. I met tons of new people that I wouldn't have met otherwise, I had a job, and I was able to spend more time with my friends. I also got to relax and not have to worry about HAVING to get that 76% on the exams. Since I chose to study abroad in Spain, I also took a Spanish class. I loved the semester and ended up doing really well in all my classes. And I didn't even have to work half as hard as I did in Nursing. I just think I really needed a semester that was laid back. And that's what I got...

...With the exception of my mom. She was diagnosed just two days after returning from Florida with my dad. Breast cancer runs in our family, but it was still a shock to hear that my mom had it. My mom is so strong and although she has to be scared, she has never really expressed it. She had to have a double mastectomy, and is now undergoing chemotherapy. Basically, she has just been thinking, "I am just doing what I have to do." and not really questioning anything. It's so sad to see her go through this, but she is being so strong. It only makes me adore her even more. It has also brought us closer, for which I am thankful. She's amazing, and I love her to pieces.

On Monday, two days before Christmas, my parents got a call from their realtor.  My mom has been working for months on cleaning up my grandparents house, and it has been on the market for awhile now. Since her brother and sister are out of state, my mom is the one who has done virtually everything in preparation to sell it. The realtor called and said that it had been broken into. Not only was there glass shattered from their break-in, but everything inside is destroyed. Although nothing was stolen, the furniture was completely sliced up, mirrors shattered, spray paint on all the walls, etc. Everything was thrown around and it looked like the scene from a movie. Apparently it was some gang called the North Side Boys, and we only know this because they spray painted their name all over the basement walls. As disgusting as this is, the worst news is that my mom had thought it would be covered by insurance. However, the insurance company failed to tell her that the insurance was not valid since no one was living in the house. I'm not sure how all of this works, but the point is that my parents are going to have to figure out a way to pay for all this destruction. It breaks my heart that a group of people could do something like that. It just makes me sick to think that people were in my grandparents house, destroying it, and not having any idea about the history, the memories, and the work that has been put into it. I grew up in that house, visiting my grandparents, and watching them die...It just...breaks my heart.

So. That's where I'm at right now. In two weeks, I will pack up and head off to Spain for almost four months. It still hasn't quite hit me that I am leaving. I think it will get scarier and more real the closer it gets. The few things I am scared about right now is 1. Leaving my mom, but knowing that she is okay with my going. There is also nothing I could be doing if I stayed. 2. Going completely on my own, not knowing anyone in the program. It seems like everyone going knows at least one other person. Not me! 3. Being homesick. I'm a homebody, what can I say? All of these fears are probably not surprising to anyone, and I know they will subside as soon as I get there and realize it really won't be so bad. I am really looking forward to completely starting over...making new friends, being in a new place, and being me. 

As bad as this year has been (did I mention that my dog of 14 years died too?!), I am just glad that I have found little things to be happy about. It hasn't ALL been completely awful.  Memories and new opportunities have gotten me through the year. I don't mean to be a "Negative Nancy," if you will, because I definitely can see the good that has come from my experiences. I can't wait to see what the new year has to offer. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

Something old, something new.

No, this post has nothing to do with a wedding, regardless of the title.  I was actually just watching Top Chef and the challenge was for each of the four groups to do an old, new, borrowed, and blue dish. I am obsessed with cooking shows, and Top Chef is definitely one of my favorites.

This past week I have been eating a lot healthier. I am eating 6 times a day, but small handful-sized meals. I feel so healthy and like I have a ton more energy! Although it might feel like I am eating a ton, I have been tracking my intake on The Daily Plate, and I am actually doing quite well.  I have 4 weeks until I leave for Spain, and I really want to be confident by then. So, I am renovating myself. Haha. 

Speaking of which, SPAIN! It's coming up SO fast. I joined a Facebook group for people going with my program, and it seems that everyone has others they know who are going. Not me. I am going all by myself...the only connection I have to anyone is that one girl was roommates with a friend of mine Freshman year. I've never met her, but it is still nice having some sort of connection.  As much as I feel kind of left out for not knowing anyone going into it, I think it will be a benefit. I won't have any obligations to hanging out with certain people or whatnot. You know? I will be able to start completely over. I am really looking forward to that, even though the first few days will definitely be scary.

The semester is over and I can't believe how fast it went. Honestly, I feel like it FLEW. I ended up having really good grades for me, considering I was not in a single nursing class! I had 2 As and 3 Bs! That's good for me. I think this is the first semester of college that I haven't had a C. How exciting is that? I can honestly say I didn't work my butt off. I mean, had I really tried, I could have gotten more As, but I just...didn't. It was the first semester that I didn't have to try my butt off. So I just didn't.

Things are changing. I am changing. But I think it's all for the better. My mom is doing well. She starts chemo on Monday, so we are cleaning the entire house to prepare. We need to keep everything spick-and-span so that she doesn't get sick! Please continue praying for her. She's the strongest woman I know!

Christmas Survey

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. It's more fun to open! But gift bags are fun because you put all kinds of goodies in the bottom. And then you keep getting more and more presents!

2. Real tree or Artificial? I like real trees. Right now, I would take ANY tree. That's right. We're tree-less.

3. When do you put up the tree? Um. Apparently never. Hah but really, usually it's the week after Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down? After New Year's.

5. Do you like eggnog? Like, a shot of it.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Umm...I don't know. Probably my portable cd player. Remember those?

7. Hardest person to buy for? Jayme N. Doyle. Seriously. She's impossible to shop for.

8. Easiest person to buy for? Um. I'd say my brother or mom.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? We have my grandparent's somewhere around here.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?I like getting them in the mail and laughing at the letters that people write.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Umm...I don't know. I can't think of an AWFUL one.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I agree with Michelle- When Harry Met Sally. It's my all-time fave.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I'll regift something if it's real bad or just something I think someone else would appreciate it more.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Around Christmas? PUMPKIN ROLLS. Those are year-long luxuries, though. On Christmas? Strata!!!!

16. Lights on the tree? Yes. When we have one. Haha. 

17. Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night has always been and will always be my FAVORITE. And there is this one song on Clay Aiken's Christmas CD (Yes, laugh. I know.) that makes me cry every time. It's about an old lady with no family and people make her happy by caroling on her doorstep. 

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I like to stay home. This year, we're going to NYC.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? dasher and dancer and donner and blitzen...? comet and cupid and donner and blitzen. wait. PRANCER. and vixen!? vixen is a reindeer. spitzen? vincent. and rudolph. seriously why do i not know. vixen? that is a 'malicious woman with a fierce temper'. i'd stay away from this vixen R-deer.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I like stars. Because they are cuter and more modern. Whatev.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? WHY would you open on Christmas Eve? Then what do you do on Christmas day? Because our Christmas revolves around presents. We celebrate Jesus on Christmas Eve. Hah.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Um. The traffic, thanks to living next door to Easton.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? We have gold, I think.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? I just like breakfast. We usually have a big breakfast and that's that. Last year for dinner, I'm pretty sure I ate a Lean Cuisine.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A new camera. It's a must-have for Spain!

26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Well, seeing as nobody reads this...Jen? Kailey?

27. Does Santa wrap your gift or leave them unwrapped? Well. WRAPPED. Unless in our stockings. Or if it's too big to not wrap. Or if you are Kevin, and you are lazy and give them in plastic Target bags.

Not happy.

Sorry for all the depressing posts, but here is another one.

Lately I've been really letting myself go. I haven't been taking care of myself, and I think a lot of it has to do with what I've been dealing with: School, Mom being sick, winter...I mean. It doesn't sound like a lot when I just list the things, but in my head, I feel like it's a million things. I am just really trying to grab onto things and take control NOW, before it really gets out of hand.  The main thing I am going to do is pretty much the only thing I can control: How I feel about myself. Often times, I just hate myself. I don't feel good, I don't look good, and I don't like me. So, starting tomorrow, I am going to make a lifestyle change. The "Body for Life" is what I'll be doing. My counselor and friend have both agreed to do it with me, in order to hold my accountable. To be honest, I don't care if I lose weight or if I look good, but I just want to feel good about myself again. I want to like me again.  I am also going to work today and tomorrow on all my papers and studying so that I can just relax as soon as my exams are done on Monday.  I have 5 weeks before I leave for Spain, which is not really a long time.  A lot of why I am so excited for Spain is because I want to start over. From scratch.  But I don't want to start over feeling insecure and self-conscious. This will be good. I swear. :)

Oddly sad.

I woke up this morning (by morning I mean 12:45pm), and I am oddly sad. I think it's because I really miss Camp Quality and New Orleans. I was up late looking through all my pictures and Googling stuff on New Orleans. I am really happy because the founder of the program we volunteered for in NO, The St. Bernard Project, won this year's CNN Hero of the Year. It made me all emotional and happy. I am so proud to have been involved in that! Going to New Orleans, with Campus Crusades, was a last minute decision. I had received a few hundred dollars from Capital, and it all just fell into place. I am so grateful I went. I met some of the greatest people, and it was definitely an unforgettable experience.

I am always missing Camp Quality. I mean, it's only a week long, but I absolutely adore everything about it. I cannot wait until the reunion. Then I cannot wait until next summer! I would be absolutely heartbroken if there was a time I could not go to camp. I think everyone should experience it at least once in their lives.

Life is hard right now.

So, a few weeks ago, my mom went in for her routine mammogram.  It turned out, she had a lump that was NOT there a year ago, and they immediately made plans to remove it.  Finding out my mom had cancer was one of the hardest things I've heard.  My parents sat Jayme and me down, and my dad didn't even get the sentence out before Jaym and I were sobbing uncontrollably.  Then, a lot of the details were unknown, so we thought it was the worst of the worst. It's stage 2, but just barely. So it's definitely treatable. No one wants to hear that their mother has cancer. It's just awful. She had her surgery on Monday. She had a benign lump in her right breast, along with the malignant one in her left.  Just to be sure there wouldn't be a chance of recurring, she decided on a double mastectomy. It was really hard seeing my mom after her surgery. She looked horrible. Just so sick and out of it. I never want to see her like that again! It's hard because she's the caretaker of the family.  I've spent so much time in the hospital that I just felt like our roles should have been switched. She's the one who's supposed to take care of me!

Since I am in nursing, I offered to take care of her drains and dressing changes. It's really been a humbling experience. I help her shower, which I imagine could be really embarrassing for her. Luckily, she has only expressed gratitude, and I would never feel embarrassed or anything. It's not awkward at all. It's more like...I'm comfortable because that's what I want to do with my life. Nursing. I am practicing!

Anywho. They found that the cancer spread to at least one lymph node, so they took a bunch out. Hopefully they got it ALL out, but they are going to do chemo and then radiation just to be sure. I've really been struggling with trying to decide if I should still go to Barcelona. However, as of right now, I am still going. I will be here for the start of her chemo, I was here for her surgery, and I will be here for her radiation after I get back. I just feel like if I put this trip off and stayed home, I wouldn't be much of a help anyway. You know? Also. If anything bad happened before I left, I obviously wouldn't go. Or if something were to happen while I was abroad, I'd  come home immediately. I just feel this is the best decision for me.

It's really weird because a lot of people that I expected to be there for me through this, have not been. And then the people I didn't realize even knew about it, have asked me and shown they care. I really appreciate when people ask how she is. I also appreciate everyone who's been there for me! Thank you. I really have faith that God will lead us through this. It's just a stumble in the path, but I do not think it is remotely close to the end. I love my mom! Please keep praying for her!!

I ran out of work study money, so the Cap Center let me go. They only hire Work Study students, sooo...I'm out a job. That is hard because I was banking on that money (no pun intended) to get me through Christmas shopping! I mean, I don't have a whole lot to buy, I guess. Considering I don't have a boyfriend to buy for! (Thank God!!). Still. It's a bummer. So, if you need a babysitter anytime before January 11, please let me know! :)

I really really like my classes this semester, and I am going to be so stressed to go back to nursing. A lot of people think I'd be crazy to go back to nursing, but the fact is that I do miss it. It's nice being in normal classes with non-nursing people (and boys?!), but in the long run, all I want is to be a nurse. I found an autobiography I wrote in 5th grade, and in it I said I wanted to be a pediatric nurse. How weird is that? 10 years ago, I still wanted to be a nurse! Must be the right decision.

I really have a bad case of insomnia. This whole week, I've been intending to go to bed early, but end up going late, tossing and turning, and then having to wake up early. Usually, I enjoy a good sleep-in, but all week, I've been getting up around 8. Gross. I really am NOT a morning person. I think tonight, I am not falling asleep for a different, giddy reason. I am happy! For the first time in awhile.

My best friend is coming down this weekend and I am really excited! It's going to be SO fun! And we are going to eat a LOT of food, so I better starve myself til then! Haha. I wish. 

On that note, I'm going to try to sleep! Maybe I'll have to watch an episode of Doogie Howser before I do so. Night.