Tuesday, May 26, 2009


So, I've been home from Spain for exactly three weeks now. Man, it really does feel like a dream. But I am having a really great time with my family, friends, and am attempting another shot at nursing school. So far, everything is going well.

Lately, I've been really thinking that I am ready to date again. It's been about a year and a half since my last real relationship, and I feel like I'm ready to ease back into the world of 20 somethings. It's really funny because when I was growing up, I always assumed that I would find someone at college, get engaged by Senior year, and then get married the summer after...That would have put me at 23 years. YEAH RIGHT. Let's just say, I am turning 22 this summer and am no where near ready to get married. I don't even have any options, let's be honest. I have always been on the prowl, and pretty boy crazy (How pathetic does that make me sound?), but I have only had one serious relationship. It ended so badly that I really did need this last year + to put my life back together...and also to put my heart back together (cheesy, but true).  So here I am, ready to date again, no one to date...But. I am in no rush. I am perfectly okay with being single. In fact, it's an awesome feeling to be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want.

The problem is that I am terrified that I will marry the wrong person. I mean, I have definitely lucked out by having two parents that are still together, let alone still LOVE each other. But sadly, that is pretty uncommon these days. Quite a few of my friends' parents are divorced, and the some that are still together don't have a good relationship. I have always been really scared of divorce, but my parents have always offered the encouragement that they are in it for the long run. Marriage is not something to take lightly, and it makes me feel awful when I see people who just give up when things get hard. 

Take Jon and Kate Gosslein for example.  I have watched their show on TLC since day one, seen the kids grow up, and see their relationship go from okay, to bad, to worse...Now, it seems like they are just accepting that their marriage has gone sour and giving up. I know it's silly, considering I don't even know them personally, but after all these years of watching,  I feel like I do. The part that breaks my heart is that they keep saying they will do anything it takes to make their children happy or to be there for the kids, but are not even acknowledging how their separation would affect the kids.  At the beginning of the show, they were the perfect team: Always helping each other, embracing each other...But as the show has gone on, their difficulties have become quite apparent.  I watched the season premiere last night, and was so heartbroken by the fact that they  were not even acknowledging if they were going to work on their marriage.  They were faced with a huge conflict (A rumor that Jon had cheated), and instead of taking time off to work past this, they are letting the media and gossip to get the best of them. They are giving up.

Why is it the first instinct to give up when things get hard? What if I end up with someone who seems like the perfect guy, but then when something takes us by surprise, good or bad, they decide to give up on me? They (who is "they" anyway?) always say that you will know when you meet that person. As of now, I don't think I have met that person. But seeing so many broken relationships and failed marriages doesn't exactly help me look forward to my future. I guess I just feel so two-sided about it: On one hand, I am totally excited to see who God has in store for me. Do I already know him? If not, where will I meet him? Will I know right away or will he be a friend that turns into someone I love? On the other hand, what if I think he's the right one (like I thought of my ex), but he turns out to just break my heart all over again? What if we are "perfect" for each other, but then as soon as we are faced with a conflict or something unexpected, he ditches me? Needless to say, I am hoping and praying for the former. But let's be honest: I am in NO rush. When I was little, I would have thought by now I would be in a serious relationship on my way toward the aisle. Now that I am turning 22 in just two months, I realize how young I really am. I have so much ahead of me and as ready as I feel to date again, I am really loving being single right now.