Friday, August 15, 2008


Some days, I really love being single. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and with whomever I want. On some days, I enjoy just going about my life with no inconveniences from the other sex. I thoroughly enjoy being independent and free. The problems are the rest of the days. Those days when I want to be with someone else, and when I just want to be held and cuddled. Now, I can get held and cuddled, and I can be with someone else, but not permanently. I want permanence. It's tough because now that I'm back in the single/dating scene, I have no idea what to do. I don't know what I'm looking for, and I have no idea how to go about any of this. I've never been on a real date with someone other than a boyfriend, and I just have no clue what to do. The most frustrating part is that it's taken me almost 9 months to be willing to let my guard down. This past month, I made myself more vulnerable and more open to the dating scene. There is just one person that I decided was good enough for me (How conceited does that sound? haha), and he ended up really disappointing me. So. Here I am, back to where I started. I thought maybe something was going to happen, but it didn't. And now, I am back to just being single, semi-guarded, and clueless about what to do.

But on other days, I really do just love being single.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Home sweet home.

I feel like this is the first time I've been home in a week. Probably because right after PA, I went to Cedar Point, then to North Canton. I honestly can't wait to just relax and stick around the house for awhile.

I went to Cedar Point on Sunday with 5 other girls from CQ. At first I was a little nervous that the random group would be awkward, but it wasn't a bit. It was fun talking to them about camp, but also about everything under the sun. My favorite might have been when Jen and I bashed guys for a good hour (not including on and off all day), and Kailey just sat there, most likely thinking about how lucky she is that she didn't have to join in on the bashing. No fair. It depresses me to think about guys right now, and I'm always glad to have an excuse to bash! We got to ride all the good rides, excluding the Magnum and Dragster. The Magnum is my most favorite, but it was closed all day for some unknown reason. All in all, we had an awesome day and I am so glad we made it happen!

I drove straight to North Canton from Cedar Point. I spent the night with Kait Gunn, good ol' Neighbs. It's weird because we can go so long without talking or seeing one another, but when we get together, it's so natural. I guess that's what happens when you've known someone for more than half of your life. We got so excited talking about new tattoo ideas we had, and I can't wait to follow through with my decision. Wooo! On Monday, I hung out with Jess all day, and Kendra joined us later that evening. I got to have Jimmy Johns, which is our tradition! I LOVE JIMMY JOHNS. It's so divine. Tuesday I hung out with Wasko all day. Imagine that. We had Panda Garden, which is in fact, my favorite Chinese EVER. We had a great time, like always. We have a friendship based on food and laughing so freaking hard. I'm so lucky to have her as a best friend. Today, I hung out at Wasko's for most of the day, but before I left the big NC, I stopped by the Boesharts. Again, I can go so long without talking to/seeing these people, and it's like no time has gone by. It's truly great.

So, I came up with a brilliant idea to study abroad next semester. I need to find a school (preferably in Europe) that ends in time for Summer clinical. This makes the selection much more difficult, and I am hoping someone at Capital can help me. I am pretty much obsessing over it now, and I've been looking up schools ever since I got home, 4 hours ago. 

Let me just tell you, I was going to try hard to not talk about boys in this here blog, but here's the thing: Guys royally piss me off. I could go on and on about them, but what I want to say is this. Really. If you don't want to hang out, just tell me. It'll suck for a second, but I'll get over it. None of this maybe/possibly crap. I don't want to be the chaser. I want to be the girl that someone chases. Is that so freaking hard?!

I could go on and on. But I will save that for it's own entry. 

Friday, August 8, 2008

Too far, too long.

So, I know I've missed a good...5ish months of blogging, but a ton has been going on. I have finally gotten a few weeks to completely chill out, and it's been wonderful!

To start with, I was so incredibly thrilled to have passed my first nursing course, N221 last semester. It was so great to know I'd be moving on to the summer course where I'd be working at a real hospital! I took an 8 week course from May-July, and to be honest, it's all a little foggy. It was one of the most draining courses I've taken yet, and I have done my best to try to forget it. It turns out, I have to retake the course next summer due to some...issues...that occurred between my clinical instructor and me. I don't want to go into great detail, if you want to know the complete story, just ask. As much as it bums me out to be a year behind, I have been doing my best not to dwell on it, and I have decided to pick up a minor in Journalism. I am actually really excited about it because I can't wait to take some non-nursing classes! Also, I think it will be a nice escape from the overwhelmingness (Yes, that's a word...) of nursing.  Another nice aspect is that I get to take Patho/Pharm. still, which is supposedly one of the hardest courses. It will be nice to take that without having to worry about a clinical too.

So. That's the update on school. In other news, Camp Quality 2008 came and went. It was the best week of my life. I am not even exaggerating. As hard and gruesome as it is, it truly is the best week ever. No joke. I am obsessed with it, and it's really kind of sad how much I love it. Bri was my camper again this year, and she was tougher than ever. At first I was so excited because she seemed like she had matured and maybe that she actually liked me this year. Until Tuesday. She had been extremely jealous of little Rachael, and on this day, she finally just blew up at her. It was all so silly and 8 year old drama, but you don't even know how exhausting the drama of an 8 year old can be! She had about 4 fits on and off all week, including the final blow the last night. As tough as she was, I still adore her. We had the best time doing all the activities and getting to know the others in our cabin.  She had them straighten her hair for prom and she looked SO cute! She really is like a little sister to me.  My friend Abby works at Children's, and she said when Bri came in the other day for a check up, she mentioned that she wanted to have me as her companion again next year! Whew, I sure was relieved!

Camp really was more amazing this year than last, and I have high hopes that next year will be even better than this year. Our cabin girls were really close, and we were so lucky to have all gotten along and had a ton of fun. Some of the other companions became very close friends to me, and I wouldn't have gotten through the week without them. Also, keeping the Communication's fridge stocked with Diet Coke was definitely a huge key to my survival. I can't wait to see what next year holds!

I am doing my best to enjoy the little summer I have left. I had one week between Spring & Summer semesters, and I've been off for 4 weeks now. It's really been nice, but SO short. I'm not used to having my summer cut in half, and it's really not going to be fun having 2 summers cut short in a row. Oh well, at least I get in a extra summer in there. :) The week after camp, I celebrated the big 2-1. It's really pretty overrated, and I don't feel any different now than I did before. I really had a great birthday altogether, excluding waking up with the flu at 7am on my actual birthday.  Luckily, we had gone out to eat and to see The Dark Knight the night before, so my birthday wasn't totally ruined. Also, my sister planned to take me out the Saturday after. My friend Abby (the same one from camp) came down, and our friend Brock came along too. Altogether, there were about 10 people who came out for my birthday! We all dressed up and looked HOT (duh.) and drank pretty drinks all night. We can't forget the $30  Taco Bell run at 4am. I truly could not have asked for a better birthday!

On Wednesday, I went to see my brother in LaTrobe, PA, and Rich and Liv met us there. We had a great time together and I really didn't want to leave. Not to mention the 4 hour drive, when I got lost coming and going! It was 0 fun, let me tell you. I also decided that maybe I really am not the best driver ever. I mean, I've only gotten 1 ticket and in 1 accident (on record), but on the way there, I got a mean glare from someone that I passed. On the way home, I got the finger. Hmm. Maybe this is something I'll have to work on because I definitely don't feel like getting road raged on.

As for now, I am going to try to enjoy the last 2 weeks of summer. Sunday, I am going to Cedar Point with a few girls from camp, and I am so excited about that! I think it'll be awesome! Also, I am going to see John Mayer with my friend Krista on the 20, so what can be better than THAT?!

I have also been trying to work out and eat better. I am really scared about gaining my weight back (who knew I'd be a non-eater while depressed?!), so I am trying to go about it the healthy way. I've been doing weights with Krista, and just today I ran 1.5 miles and walked 1.5 miles on the treadmill! I just feel a lot more healthy, in general.

Well. That's all for now folks. I will try harder to keep updated, and I'm sure if I don't remember, Jen will badger me about updating :).