Lately I've been really letting myself go. I haven't been taking care of myself, and I think a lot of it has to do with what I've been dealing with: School, Mom being sick, winter...I mean. It doesn't sound like a lot when I just list the things, but in my head, I feel like it's a million things. I am just really trying to grab onto things and take control NOW, before it really gets out of hand. The main thing I am going to do is pretty much the only thing I can control: How I feel about myself. Often times, I just hate myself. I don't feel good, I don't look good, and I don't like me. So, starting tomorrow, I am going to make a lifestyle change. The "Body for Life" is what I'll be doing. My counselor and friend have both agreed to do it with me, in order to hold my accountable. To be honest, I don't care if I lose weight or if I look good, but I just want to feel good about myself again. I want to like me again. I am also going to work today and tomorrow on all my papers and studying so that I can just relax as soon as my exams are done on Monday. I have 5 weeks before I leave for Spain, which is not really a long time. A lot of why I am so excited for Spain is because I want to start over. From scratch. But I don't want to start over feeling insecure and self-conscious. This will be good. I swear. :)
1 comment:
hey i'll be praying for you. we should talk about this sometime- insecurities [esp.body crap] is all too familiar to me. the lord has done a lot of healing in me though, oddly enough pregnancy helped me rather than made it worse! things that have 'helped' me, at least for second- knowing that 5,10 years from now i'm gonna look at a picture of myself and say 'what the hell was i complaining about?!' cuz i keep doing that! and even more so, can our human minds grasp this- our body is a SHELL. it is temporary. it is not eternal. this life is a blip. it is not our eternal home.... i know you know all this... i feel like i relate to stuff you say i feel like you think like i think sometimes. i'll stop writing books on your blog but anyhow... i never want you to not like yourself because i think you are pretty awesome. so know that. love.
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